Monday 3 September 2018

Pints, Penalties and Potions: The Story of England's 2018 World Cup Campaign

So it’s over, and we can feel both pride and despair now that the dust has settled. In June Mike Whalley pithily proclaimed that England should approach the tournament with the attitude of “a man of his mid-30s attending an old school friend’s wedding: try to enjoy it, and don’t embarrass yourself” (WSC 376). In fact, England’s only indiscretion as a wedding guest was that they rather crudely caught the bouquet, barging past the other bridesmaids in a style synonymous with Harry Maguire at a set-piece.

It felt honourable to be represented by a team and manager who were so bold, so confident, but never believed their own hype and never exhibited any real signs of hubris; a group that knew their own limitations but never sunk into a self-pitying stupor. Yes, our first opponents were ‘only’ Tunisia, but this England team prevailed in the type of game where so many technically superior players of the past have suffered stage fright.

Kyle Walker’s flailing arm dragged us all back into a youthful state of intolerance; glaring anxiously at a screen and willing the men in red to ‘just break them down already.’ And then it happened. Kane scored again. It was robust rather than pretty, but sometimes sporting moments that seem modest can have such a sweet ineffability. “Get in there! Get me out there! To Nizhny Novgorod, we’re on our way!”

Only that wasn’t financially viable on this occasion, meaning so many of us undoubtedly made the mistake of watching the game in public with some insufferable attention seekers. Even though Panama were poor, England were ruthless and inventive. It felt so good even the pint-throwing parasites couldn’t ruin that sun-soaked afternoon in late June. Jesse Lingard scored a beauty and a 6-1 result meant England secured their World Cup record scoreline. All aboard Glenn Hoddle’s ‘love train’.

The essence of this England team was different, and it emanated from a manager whose affability is hard to ignore. First the nation derided the tabloid press’ hounding of Raheem Sterling; whose gun tattoo in memory of his father is concealed completely when he takes to the football pitch, not that it’s any of our business anyway. Next, Gareth Southgate’s encouragement of speed-dating style media access to the players helped deconstruct the myth that elite footballers are somehow impervious to life’s strains.

England YouTube channel Lions’ Den also brought levity to the fan experience. Supporters were given insight into the lives of the players who represented them and players were given the opportunity to drink something other than electrolytes and protein shakes; as host Craig Mitch offered each new guest a secret potion. Southgate deserves most credit for his handling of the team sheet leak, refusing to be drawn into a fight and rising above it all.


England were then defeated by Belgium in a game neither side wanted to win. It wouldn’t be the last time. With the Group G runners-up route looking most inviting, the salient memories of a drab game were Adnan Januzaj’s goal, and subsequent claims by Belgium ‘keeper Thibaut Courtois that he would have caught the effort which went beyond English counterpart Jordan Pickford.

The Three Lions then travelled to the Spartak Stadium for a Last 16 game against Colombia, intent on rectifying a woeful record of one win in their last 11 knockout matches. Los Cafeteros adopted a pragmatic approach which reflected the absence of star player James Rodriguez. In a fractious first half, Wilmar Barrios avoided a red card for a headbutt on Jordan Henderson despite VAR being in use. Colombia assistant manager Eduardo Urtasun’s unnecessary barge on Raheem Sterling at the interval gave the sense that tomorrow’s papers would tell of national injustice.

Just before the hour mark the man in black finally took exception to Colombia’s foul behaviour and awarded England a penalty. The irrepressible Kane picked himself up and fired down the middle to take the lead. Southgate’s men were in the ascendency up until the last minute of stoppage time when Mateus Aribe’s volley was stunningly saved by Pickford. Of course, Yerry Mina’s header from the following corner just had to bounce in off the bar, invoking that sinking feeling.

England rolled with the punches in an arduous period of extra-time which led to penalties. Both teams held their nerve until David Ospina called Henderson’s bluff. It was Argentina, West Germany (twice) and Portugal (twice) all over again. But Aribe hit the bar. Pickford’s pumping fists suggested this meant more than just a stay of execution. Kieran Trippier scored, then Pickford threw himself underneath Carlos Bacca’s effort, before thrusting a fluorescent green arm skyward and clawing the ball away! Dier’s nervous penalty squeezed under Ospina and caused an almighty bundle. It was inexplicable. It was ecstacy. It was our year; that thought genuinely seemed rational.


The Three Lions progressed to Samara and slayed Sweden with such ease that it made all the pre-match build up seem rather bathetic. The opposition were industrious but the men in red plucked up the heart and sinew to nullify Janne Andersson’s team. The headed goals of Maguire and Dele Alli were fantastic, but Pickford’s red-faced defiance was just as life-affirming; brilliantly denying Berg and then Claesson before offering out any blond-haired bastard who thought he might be hard enough.

Chris Waddle’s voice wobbled on the BBC World Cup Daily Podcast and we all felt, some of us for the first time, what it was like to see England fare well. Trippier’s perfect fifth minute free-kick at the Luzhniki Stadium would be the zenith of the campaign. The pendulum swung once Kane’s close-range effort was saved by the studs of wounded Croatian keeper Danijel Subasic. From the moment Ivan Perisic scored, time whizzed by with England living dangerously, and only slowed down when John Stones stopped to observe Mario Mandzukic’s astute finish. Over and out with nothing left to give.

England’s participation in the Third-Place Play-Off was, although obligatory, reminiscent of a boxer who had fought one bout too many; who could not go out on his own terms. Uribe was inches away from landing a knockout blow in the round of 16, and that would have removed most of the romance. It is difficult to know if the class of ’18 spurned a golden opportunity, or whether they deserve more credit.

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